the to-go coffee cup

What is it, exactly, about the to-go coffee cup? There is something that seems so, so..sophisticated about carrying around a little paper cup with a cute logo on it that says "Starbucks" or "Cafe Umbria," with a black lid on top and a little brown cardboard warmer thing around it.

To-go coffee cups are so exciting. They have a mysterious way of making the carrier of the cup seem so put-together and sexy. The to-go-cup in the hand sends the message: I am successful, hip, smart, I read the paper, and I am probably someone who is really cool.

Every time I see someone carrying a coffee-to-go cup, I have an automatic response of feeling kind of aroused...

As I watch the to-go coffee cup in the hand of its carrier, I feel a warm tingling sensation inside--the way the hand caresses the cup so thoughtlessly as the carrier of the cup engages in intelligent and insightful conversation, or simply gazes out the window, mysteriously pondering deep thoughts.

The to-go-coffee cup communicates wealth and possibility, privilege and success; the to-go coffee cup is so much more than just a to-go coffee cup.

Sometimes, I will carry my to-go-coffee cup around just for fun, even if the coffee inside is pretty much all gone. Or I will try to prolong my sips in order to make the sexiness of the to-go cup in my hand last just a little bit longer...I am not ready to part with its magical properties quite yet.

Am I alone in my to-go coffee cup fetish? Maybe it's just me, but given the amount of people that I see on a daily basis with to-go coffee cups in hand, I do not think that I am the only one who has been seduced by this form of cardboard hotness. Yes, we Seattlites (and Californians) love our coffee, but is the to-go cup really necessary? I think it would be safe to say that there is more to the to-go cup than simply just the coffee.

Considering the amount of paper waste that is accumulated in Seattle, WA alone, there is great reason to reverse the desirability of the to-go coffee cup, and make BYOC a more popular thing to do. How can we begin to make sustainability a sexy thing, rather than wastefulness?

With all of this said, I must admit that I am not ready to say goodbye to the to-go coffee cup just yet. Perhaps I will try to cut down on buying lattes overall, or I will reuse my to-go cups (even if it does seem a little weird). I don't want to give up the pleasure that the to-go coffee cup brings, and the powerful feelings that come along with it. Just being honest here. But maybe this little pondering is the first step, for me at least, to relinquish my to-go coffee cup obsession, to protest the lies that the media tries to tell be about how to-go coffee cups can make my life better, and to reclaim my own sexiness, which cannot be defined by some exterior object that I hold in my hand.

White Supremacy Culture

(i found this in my Intercultural Communication Skills Workbook. by Tema Okun, based on the work of Daniel Buford with People's Institute for Survival and Beyond. So interesting to read, and definitely worth sharing.)

This is a list of characteristics of white supremacy that show up in our organizations. Culture is powerful precisely because it is so present and at the same time so very difficult to name or identify. The characteristics listed below are damaging because they are used as norms and standards without being pro-actively named or chosen by the group. They are damaging because they promote white supremacy thinking. Because we all live in a white supremacy culture, these characteristics show up in the attitude and behaviors of all of us--people of color and white people. Therefore, these attitudes and behaviors of all show up in any group or organization, whether it is white-led or predominantly white or people of color-led or predominantly people of color.

Perfectionism

1. Little appreciation expressed among people for the work that others are doing; appreciation that is expressed usually directed to those who get most of the credit anyway.

2. More common to point out how the person or work is inadequate.

3. Talk to others about the inadequacies of a person or their work without ever talking directly to them.

4. Mistakes are seen as personal i.e., they reflect badly on the person making them as opposed to being seen for what they are--mistakes.

5. Making a mistake is confused with being a mistake, doing wrong with being wrong.

6. Little time, energy or money put into reflection or identifying lessons learned that can improve practice, in other words little or no learning from mistakes.

7. Tendency to identify what's wrong; little ability to identify, name, and appreciate what's right.

8. Fails to appreciate her own good work, more often pointing out his faults or 'failures', focusing on inadequacies and mistakes rather than learning from them; the person works with a harsh and constant inner critic.

Sense of Urgency

1. Continued sense of urgency that makes it difficult to take time to be inclusive, encourage depressive culture.

Quantity over Quality

1. All resources of organization are directed toward producing measurable goals.

2. Things that can be measured are more highly valued than things that cannot, for example number of people attending a meeting, newsletter circulation, money spent are valued more than quality of relationships, democratic decision-making, ability to constructively deal with conflict.

3. Little or no value attached to process; if it can't be measured, it has no value.

4. Discomfort with emotion and feelings.

5. No understanding when there is a conflict between content (the agenda of the meeting) and process (people's need to be heard or engaged), process will prevail (for example, you may get though the agenda, but if you haven't paid attention to people's need to be heard, the decisions made at the meeting are undermined and/or disregarded).

Worship of the Written Word

1. If it's not in a memo, it doesn't exist.

2. The organization does not take into account or value other ways in which information is shared.

3. Those with strong documentation and writing skills are more highly valued, even in organizations where ability to relate to others is key to the mission.

Only One Right Way

1. The belief there is one right way to do things and once people are introduced to the right way, they will see the light and adopt it.

2. When they do not adapt or change, then something is wrong with them (the other, those not changing), not with us (those who 'know' the right way).

3. Similar to the missionary who does not see value in the culture of other communities, sees only value in their beliefs about what is good.

Paternalism

1. Decision-making is clear to those with power and unclear to those without it.

2. Those with power think they are capable of making decisions for and in the interests of those without power.

3. Those with power often don't think it is important or necessary to understand the viewpoint or experience of those for whom they are making decisions.

4. Those without power understand they do not have it and understand who does.

5. Those without power do not really know how decisions get made and who makes what decisions, and yet they are completely familiar with the impact of those decisions on them.

Either/Or Thinking

1. Requiring people to think in a linear (logical) fashion and ignoring or invalidating those who think in other ways.

2. Impatience with any thinking that does not appear 'logical'.

Right to Comfort

1. The belief that those with power have a right to emotional and psychological comfort (another aspect of valuing 'logic' over emotion).

2. Scapegoating those who cause discomfort.

3. Equating individual acts of unfairness against white people with systemic racism which daily targets people of color.

I found these characteristics to be pervasive both within myself and in the White dominant culture that I have grown up in. Damage is done when one culture assumes its way of thinking is "right" and other ways are wrong, and when it does not give space to listen to and receive other voices. It is helpful to have these things named and identified, because we cannot modify the damaging ways in which we live and relate to others until we become aware of the oppressive and exclusive attitudes that are within us. It is through awareness that we can begin to make a choice to live differently if we so choose.

oh my Whale!

My parents went on a trip to Maui a few weeks ago, and it happened to be Humpback Whale season. The whales travel north during the summertime and eat TONS of food, and then they come back down south during the wintertime to play and have babies. On this special day, my parents and their friends, Donna and Denny, took kayaks out to watch the whales at a safe distance. The whales seemed to have another idea though, and decided to put on a show just for them! And my dad was clever enough to bring his camera along. :)

this one was just stickin' its nose out to see what's up.

this is a baby whale, i think. it was rubbing its barnacles on the bottom of Donna and Denny's kayak!

crraAZY!!! my dad should be a photographer for the National Geographic.

a WHOLE WHALE on top of the water! unbelievable.

I am in complete awe of these images...and to think of the thrill it would be to be there up close and in person! My mom described it as the scariest and most exciting moment of her life--truly life changing. I am SO happy that my parents got to experience something like this. What a gift!

Imagine A Woman

Imagine a woman

who believes it is right and good she is woman.

A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.

Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman

who believes she is good.

A woman who trusts and respects herself.

Who listens to her needs and desires and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman

who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.

A woman who has walked through her past.

Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman

who authors her own life.

A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.

Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman

who names her own gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman

in love with her own body.

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman

who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use her precious life energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman

who values the women in her life.

A woman who sits in circles of women.

Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

(this poem is by Patricia Lynn Reilly, M.Div. Thank you Patricia for your life-giving words.)

Ordinary Lecture

(These are my thoughts/notes taken from O'Donnel Day's ordinary lecture on 1.18.10)

"Search me, O God, and know my heart.

Try me and know my thoughts.

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting."

~ Psalm 139:23-24

Scripture says that we need to know and to be known in our hearts, tried and known in our anxious/fearful places, and begin to see the hurtful ways inside of us, and this will lead us to life.

This is not an easy task to do. I do not want to be searched and known, I do not want to grow. This kind of searching involves pain, and pain hurts. How do I deal with this kind of mental/psychological pain? These hurtful ways that I see myself, others, God? The hurtful ways in me that include self-abusive thoughts such as:

- "I am all bad."

- "I am fundamentally unlovable."

- "Something about me makes people move away."

- "I don't deserve love."

- "My love is too great and will overwhelm everyone."

- "My need for others isn't valid."

- "My badness is worse than other's badness."

I have learned in my classes that self-contempt and others-contempt are defense mechanisms we develop to keep us from experiencing intolerable pain and loss. I have tended to lean more towards self-contempt (although it is said that these two pieces are sides of the same coin), and I have wrecked havoc on my own heart for many, many years. The most difficult thing for me to do is to extend grace to my own heart, to let go of my mistakes, and to believe that I am loved, even with all of my flaws. I have a hard time believing that someone could really love ALL of me- this kind of love is certainly the most dreadful kind--because there are parts of me that I still do not love and have not accepted.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. And see if there is any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting..."

Being searched and known in this kind of way leads to life...

In the past year and a half, I have found myself on a journey that I would not have guessed...I have been walking into my own story, searching with kindness and curiosity, (as well as self-contempt, fear, and resistance), braving into deep waters of these hidden places of hurt. And on this journey, my life is beginning to be recovered.

When I open my heart to God to search me and know me, and allow myself to get close to the kindness that I find in my Higher Power (sometimes extended in the faces of friends who listen and care, sometimes found in a circle of strangers at a 12-step group, sometimes at night, when I crawl into bed and begin to pray, and my anxiety-that has done its best to protect me- finally relaxes and softens into tears) I begin to feel worthy again, and lovable. I am grateful for a God who loves me enough to search me in this way, and bear with me "all things," so that I may find life in the process.

two thousand and ten new years resolutions. (well maybe not THAT many).

The beginning of a new year always feels exciting and full of promise...new classes, a new beginning, hope and potential and dreams and anticipation squealing with excitement inside my heart for what is to come. I know full well that the initial "shine" of a new year wears off, usually by the beginning of February, but for now, in these first few days of 2010, I want to revel in the newness, and dream about what is to come in the months ahead. Here are a few of my goals and dreams for this next year, and I hope to stick with it (as much as I can), learn some new things, and grow into the creative animal that I am made to be.

1. do yoga once a week

2. eat flax seed every day

3. learn how to sew

4. exercise

5. take a pottery class

6. go through "The Artist's Way" book

7. keep up on my blog

8. take a train somewhere (maybe Vancouver, Canada?)

9. practice Spanish

10. play guitar and write music

11. read the newspaper

12. nurture my spiritual life (perhaps by going to a Monastery or looking into Spiritual Direction, and getting more involved in my church)

I have other ideas too, but I don't want to get too carried away...cheers to 2010!

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the dessert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. -Mary Oliver