shame

Have you ever done something that you thought was a good idea at the time, but then, after you did it, realized that maybe it wasn't such a good idea? And then, whatever you did, in your head, the thing grows and grows until it becomes this HUGE monster that torments you for days, even months, and makes you both laugh at yourself and bury your face in your hands, and feel this sinking sensation in the pit of your stomach, where you just want to curl over and die and be buried in the earth and covered in complete darkness, with the lights turned out, and sink and sink until there is nothing left but darkness and nothing and nothing all around? Well, i feel like that sometimes.

turning the lights out now.

an unordinary prayer...

May God bless you with discomfort

at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,

so that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger

at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people

so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears

to shed for those who suffer

from pain, rejection, starvation, and war

so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them

and turn their pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

to believe that you can make a difference in this world

so that you can do what others claim cannot be done

- A Franciscan Benediction