e·volve [ih-volv]

to evolve: to come forth gradually into being, develop, open, unfold...

It has been said that "slow growth is good growth." Slow growth is the only kind of growth that is reliable and trustworthy. Any other kind of growth is suspect, and should be for good reason, since it takes time to heal- there are no quick fixes when it comes to matters of the heart. As I contemplate my own process of what seems to be snail-paced growth, it is relieving to be reminded that, perhaps, I am exactly where I need to be...I am gradually coming forth into being, unfolding, evolving, and to rush the process would be to spoil the whole thing.

The earth and all of its inhabitants have an incredible capacity to evolve; to grow. It is this capacity that I have felt particularly grateful for lately. It feels good to grow and to have the capacity to change and create. It feels like a breath of fresh air to realize that I have the ability to choose life, and to grow.

In the chapter, "The Reversal of Narcissism," Symington writes:

"...the narcissistic situation goes into reverse the moment we start to do, to create...The marvel is that it is possible to change the emotional facts of our lives. Our lives are not set in concrete, but the narcissistic voice will always tell us that we are. Our minds can change, and with a changed mind our personal world changes. It can change radically."

our lives are not set in concrete, but the narcissistic voice will always tell us that we are...

I am resistant to change; I do not want to grow.

There is a certain kind of humbleness that comes with opening ourselves up to growth. Often I feel that my pride (or that narcissistic voice) keeps me from growing in the way that I most desire. But when I begin to do, to create, I begin to feel alive again, and thriving. Choosing the life-giver inside of us is not an easy choice, though. It is in fact, probably the scariest thing we will ever do.

As Symington writes...

"The lifegiver as a component within comes about through a leap in the dark. This extract gives us a feeling of terrible risk. As Tolstoy points out, the fear in the human heart is enormous when taking one of these emotional steps. I remember once a man whom I was seeing for psychotherapy saying, "This step that I'm daring to take is just as great as climbing Mount Everest, and I agreed with him. But it is that step outwards that is the core of the healthy self."

I am ready (i think, gulp) to take the risk of growing- these old patterns and defenses aren't serving me well anymore, and I am ready to be great, to live into my power and my light that is already within me, since I am a child of God (from Marianne Williamson). It is a dangerous leap, for sure, and I am terrified. I might have to teeter-totter on the edge and contemplate my decision for a little while longer, but the scales are tipping, so to speak, and I am leaning, leaning, about ready to jump, believing with Kobi Yamata that my wings will be built on the way down, and with Marianne Williamson that my own liberation will unconsciously liberate others as well. And because I believe that the risk is worth it, and that the cost of not growing is far greater than the cost of growing, I am going to take the leap and choose the life-giver inside me, oh yes I am. So here I go......